Tiny House Patterns

I have been noticing a major change within the tiny house community. These changes are concerning but I don’t really know what to do to help anymore. I am open to ideas.

I will preface this by saying that I don’t run a ‘tiny house business’. It’s never been my intent to make money from living tiny and if I am being honest, I don’t make much anymore (>$300 per month). It’s a difficult line to explain but every product I have created was a response to an overwhelming amount of questions I have been asked directly. I made my ecourses to cover all of the questions I continually got. I have given more seats away than I have sold and they only cost money because the platform I use to host them requires them to be sold for minimum amounts (because they market them and profit share). My goal has always been to make information accessible and digestible for people just starting their research.

10 years ago

I was done building my house and living in it. People were generally mean but also kind of curious. I heard things like ‘a woman should not be trusted to design a structure’, ‘She’ll be sick of that in a month’, ‘Might work for a single person but there is no way a parent and a kid can live tiny’. Early on, when I got pushback from people who weren’t in the arena doing the thing, I very intentionally chose to get vocal about the actual reality of living tiny. Since I was the one actually doing the thing. Saying things like ‘It won’t work for everyone, but we love it’, ‘It might just be the thing that changes the trajectory of your life’, ‘it’s worth it to find out if you’re curious’. I truly believe those things.

5 years ago

About five years ago was a really sweet spot where tinies had acceptance and support. People were familiar with them and by the time they reached out to me, it was usually with really great, happy things to say and next level questions to ask. Negative things were few and far between, just showing up here and there. In general it was a time I loved getting to be an advocate.

Modern Times

I can’t remember the last interaction I have had with someone who reached out to me where it didn’t turn completely sour. These things have taken a toll on me and I have drifted out of my advocate roll and sat more comfortably in just living a happy life. I’m at a point where I either want to get loud again or slink all the way off to my happy little corner of the world. It’s sort of different than the beginning because I really don’t feel like I have anything to prove. I am just kind of tired of being chewed out by internet strangers.

I recently heard a comment from a friend in a facebook group I moderate that many ‘tiny house veterans’ have been discouraging lately and I couldn’t help but wonder if they are getting some of the same behind the scenes interactions I am getting.

Here is one that happened just this week:

A friend of mine over at Tiny Life Consulting had some booths at some tiny house events this summer. I know him to do good work and he has great intentions that align with mine, helping people. He contacted me to see if I could gift a full seat of my courses for a drawing at his booth, just to get people to stop by and interact. I was more than happy to help. I said I would give away 5 seats and each event. He was thrilled, I was thrilled. We did the thing, and in the end, I gave everyone who stopped by his booth a seat in my courses. As I said before, I give away more than I sell.

In the email I sent with the free links, there was an additional list of other free downloads I have collected over the years. These other free downloads are hosted on a pay what you want platform. The point being that you can give money if you choose but 99% of people don’t, they just plug in a zero and download the items. Obviously I am 100% cool with that, otherwise I wouldn’t refer to them as ‘free downloads’.

Well, one lady emailed back and reamed me and my ‘lack of integrity’ because I actually wanted money for these resources I have developed (I didn’t). She said I lied to her before she even got the classes (I absolutely did not) so she ‘can’t trust a word I say’ because I’m just another ‘money hungry vulture’ (I’m not) so she doesn’t need them… and good-riddens to my untrustworthy self. It was an extreme reaction to what I thought was a kind thing I was trying to do. I was trying to do good in the world.

It’s not an isolated incident and I am starting to wonder what the heck changed. It’s just another example of an interaction that hurt my feelings recently, the big softy I am. At times like that, it’s pretty tough to keep peppy and encouraging about tiny homes. I have never ever been bothered by anyone seeking information and asking basic questions. I will answer them again and again because we all start somewhere. But the rudeness – I don’t love that and it’s so commonplace lately. I have learned to take breaks after those events, which often has me checked out. I’d rather check out than staying in it and spread that sort of negativity around because it does impact my perspectives. 

I try to be empathetic 

There are a lot of genuinely interested folks still, but there is also a crushing affordable housing shortage that has a lot of desperate souls doing extreme things for a roof. I often get the feeling that, for these people who contact me now, tiny is not something they would willingly choose. It seems now that many don’t have the choice so they find themselves in my email box researching a last ditch effort that is very likely not going to be good or helpful for them. Having people reach out to me and then tell me I don’t have any integrity, especially after I genuinely try to help, is hurtful. They are the loudest voice in my inbox right now and fortunately/unfortunately I’m not sure tiny is even in their future. They are just being forced to explore options they aren’t really interested in anyway. 

All this is not an excuse to be rude and I certainly try not to be but it is exhausting at times to be be a beating post for people experiencing systemic hardships caused by the affordable housing crisis. I genuinely want to help. I truly believe that tiny homes are an elegant solution to so many of today’s problems. I am glad more people have the option. I am glad there is so much information out there, even if it is overwhelming to sift through.

I think this latest iteration of interactions is just the part of ‘industry’ that is hard to deal with. People assume I am a part of ‘the industry’ now but I never have been. I’m a cheerleader. I am just a girl, living in a tiny house, with a family. I have always advocated for DIY tiny homes and I have experience that I am very happy to share. I will be honest and straightforward about my experience. More than likely, if you email me, I will give you a set of my ecourse to help you on your way. It’s not good business but… like I said, tiny houses aren’t my business. My lifestyle just happens to exist because of a tiny home and I get joy from helping others figure out if it might be right for them, too.

The future

I hope the future holds more optimism. Maybe that is on me/us to cultivate. I just don’t quite know how right now. I guess I will just put a call to all those ‘tiny house veterans’: Stay the course, take breaks when you need and then advocate like heck for the lifestyle you believe in. One of the coolest parts about having this blog is that I get to just share our amazing life and hope it inspires the people who need the inspiration. I have missed doing more of that. Maybe I’ll put more energy there and less in my inbox. That’s probably a good idea!