My Midlife Crisis?

January 5, 2023Macy M9044 views

I’ve been having a bit of an existential crisis, or maybe it’s just a midlife crisis, I don’t know. Who even am I and what am I for?!?

It was spurred by Facebook though, so my relationship with that platform is changing. Coincidentally, just before this happened, I read the book ‘Ten Reasons For Deleting Your Social Media Accounts’ by Jaron Lanier. While there are several valid reasons that made me think pretty deeply about that (one in particular). It did not convince me that I needed to do that right away. But then, the fates that are, followed right up with this eleventh reason. Let me tell you about it.

The thing

In short, a page is using my photos to represent themselves and selling random things (related and not to tiny homes). I love when my images get shared but using them to make a profit from people is my line. I’ve asked them to stop using my images personally. They hide and delete my requests. Part of having a copyright is enforcing the copyright so this is something I do fairly regularly. When I was ignored, I went to the source, the platform enabling the infringement, Facebook. Something else that happens fairly often. For several days, Facebook has ping-ponged back and forth with me, constantly invalidating me. Over and over again. I have a literal copy of a legal record of registration with the copyright office and “it is not enough for them to prove I have the right to enforce photo usage”.

They are wrong

I also feel it’s not worth taking that road to prove further in this case. The page using my images is garbage, they spam successfully to nearly 200,000 people. Ultimately, I think they make Facebook enough money in marketing fees that they would rather protect them than follow IP laws. Probably figuring they will just deal with that if/when I get a lawyer. I don’t want to foot a bill to involve a lawyer again. Some of you may remember I already had a lawsuit with a big company that was settled (in my favor). It was a long, arduous and kind of a humiliating process for me to go through. This page’s money path is not clear (by design) so it would be a lot of work for little payback.

So now there is just a garbage page using my work for their identity. After Facebook refused to take my photos down, I went back to the page directly again and said I know they are hiding my request and again I asked that they remove them. The page actually replied (which I was surprised by) and said the images have been too useful for them to stop using, instead they will cite them for me, they also said I was welcome for that… That’s not ideal but better than nothing. We’ll see how long they do that to appease me before hiding the info again though… *eyeroll*

How I handled it emotionally

I got big mad and then I got big sad. I folded in on myself and have been working to figure out all the feelings I’ve had over it. I took it personally and it has been a big slap in the face overall because I have let myself get too attached to the platform. And it’s made me feel irrelevant. I started posting to Facebook when my babes were wee and they needed me, but not necessarily my full attention. I would hold sleeping babes and start scrolling. Late night feedings weren’t so lonely if I was scrolling. I love that the platform lets me keep up with friends, I love that I can document my life (it really makes some parts of mom-ing so much easier) and I love when all the happy memories pop up from our past!

But is it worth all the time it has taken from my life… probably not. That’s on me.

Reality

I also know we individuals are the reason FB makes makes money, it’s not an act of goodwill. It was humbling to actually feel like the product being sold. The platform works for accounts who buy ads and spend money. They get priority. Access to individuals IS the product being sold. Apparently, sometimes those ‘companies’ try to sell my intellectual property back to me. And Facebook is apparently condoning that. So a techy middle man somewhere is benefiting from MY work, and I cannot do a thing about it according to Facebook. That’s extremely frustrating.

Still, I believe social media is good. But, the way it happened to come about in THAT particular platform is bad. And they don’t care because it’s a winning model which they would have never been allowed to pursue if we, as a society were as tech savvy in 2004 as we are today. It’s hard to unwind that tangled ball of knots. After this eleventh reason, I have to agree with Jaron, I need to reassess my use of the platform.

Without conclusion, I have to use this newest incident a different way. So I choose to learn from it. Facebook is a business tool, not a personal pass-time anymore.

My emotional spiral:

To me, it’s not worth trying to track down WHO this middle man is because they make a point of being untraceable. I took the situation personally. There’s just not enough proof to tie me to my efforts anymore (which I know is BS btw, but my feelings are more sensitive than my brain). So, what does that mean in my head?? Well, it means I’m not a cool kid anymore. I’m no longer relevant. And that made sense to me with what I have been feeling inside.

I used to do cool stuff all the time! I used to make cool buildings for cool people. Then I made a cool building for me. And then I had my kids and I promised them their first five years of my undivided attention.

Now Miles is 7.

I haven’t actually been cool in a while!

I’ve been lazy

I can justify my laziness in a number of different ways, believe me, I have been for a couple years now. “I’m homeschooling. It’s important work.” But am I teaching the right things if I don’t ALSO stay curious and engaged in the world? Because I haven’t done that. “I have big plans for this property.” They all happen ‘later’. “I have goals to help”, in ways that always get put off. And “all these distractions that have been happening around us…” they have just been distracting me from even finding my focus…

Fact is, I’m stagnant. Yet, Facebook or Instagram has managed to suck hours from my life every week. It’s embarrassing to think of all I could have accomplished with those hours if I actually tried!!

So I’m doing things in 2023

So far it’s been pretty fun. I’ve signed up for a fiction writing class. I don’t know if I am capable of writing a book, but I know I want to. I don’t yet know WHY I want to but, once I figure that out, I think the rest will fall in place. I certainly have stories! And I know I have a few hours a day that I can reallocate to this endeavor. Hazel has even committed to taking this class with me which makes it extra fun!

If I get through this writing class without a ‘thing’, I’ll find another class. I never mean to make resolutions but damn if that platform didn’t force my hand for 2023. I’ll take it as a good omen. The kick in the butt I need to actually try.

The irony!

Funny enough, many of you know I have a business Facebook account, too. Ironically, I also make income via Facebook. Not much, because I haven’t focused my time there. I hate ‘selling’ or even just feeling like I am. I prefer the personal aspect so that’s where I have spent my energy on the platform to date. I now feel like that was a lapse in judgment on my part. Facebook is a tool, and if they must make it so, it will become my business tool instead of a personal pass-time.

I hope you’ll find us at MiniMotives because, going forward, I anticipate posting more there than any personal account. For better or worse we also have an Instagram account. I will be trying to actively build my audience there because publishers are far more receptive to people with manuscripts who already have a social media audience.