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On Relationships

Macy M6 comments915 views

How do relationships fair in a tiny house?  I suppose it has a lot to do with if both parties are on board with the tiny house idea.  It doesn’t have to be for the same reason but all parties need to be vested or else things will get out of balance real fast.  When you ‘get’ to live in a tiny space you view everything a WHOLE LOT different than if you ‘have’ to live in a tiny space.  If you have to, you’re going to get a grudge.

Love-isn-t-about-how-to-find-out-the-similarities

Either way relationships are work.  If one party is not on board with tiny I have no advise to bring them over (other than visiting a real life tiny house to get a real feel for the space first hand).  If not all parties are on board I will say don’t push for tiny, find a compromise… unless you’re looking for a reason to split ;-).  Houses, tiny or not, are just things.  Things are not as important as relationships.

If single and dating… I can say, before meeting James I had a few ‘first dates’ that I knew instantly were going nowhere.  If you bring up this idea of a tiny house and get a confused or disgusted stare back then that’s actually a GOOD thing, you don’t have to spend any more time going down that path with that person.  While awkward in the moment it streamlines dating!

As a couple this is our experience (James approved this):

James and I are two wildly independent people, who are stubborn as hell. Our relationship was in the beginning stages when I was halfway done with the house, after that honeymoon phase we bickered a lot. Then, unexpectedly (right at the one year mark) we found ourselves about to be parents (talk about a HUGE stress on a relationship). We nearly didn’t make it but because we were in such close proximity we had a ‘come to Jesus’ moment, sat down and had a very blunt and open discussion if it was worth it or not to go forward together. Both of us had an ‘absolutely’ attitude. So we figured out how to make it happen.

We decided to see a counselor, we both have a list that worked out to ‘if he/she could just not be an ass then it would be fine’. It took someone else telling us that ‘he/she is not being an ass, this is how they work through ‘x’, it’s not offensive, it’s a different personality type’ Once that got through to both of us we are able to stand back and appreciate the differences in one and other and not take them as personal attacks… always.

Relationships are HARD. tiny houses will help to either make or break them. It comes down to if you want it or not and if you are willing to put in the work that they absolutely DO take. No one can decide that for you but you BUT a tiny house will exasperate things and push hard on your nerves with one and other causing you to ‘get over’ it, one way or another. You can decide to get over the rough stuff and find a way to understand/deal with it or get over dealing with the rough stuff and walk away. One of those things WILL happen though.

In our case I am SO grateful that the tiny house made things come to a head like that, without it we would have likely spent MANY years ‘dealing’ with those issues by pushing space between us, we wouldn’t be able to show our kids (because we have two now) what a healthy relationship can look like and we certainly would not have gained the appreciation we now have for each other. We do still get on each others nerves from time to time because we are both stubborn children at times (hey, it happens with newborns and the wonderful nights of ‘sleep’ that come with them) but we are learning how to work through that together, because we decided to.  The house definitely spurred that on.

 

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Macy M
I am an artist, a steward, a minimalist at heart... I love being out in the sunshine... I love animals of nearly every kind, at least the furry ones, I am trying to be a gardener... I believe people are good at the core but are also capable of very bad things when they aren't intentional about their actions... I love my family, my passions and my life... I am just me :)

6 Comments

  1. It is my biggest concern – by far. I like Tiny Houses, but my wife is so-so. We will probably go for a 500 to 600 sq ft. home with a door on the bedroom and also a common facility that is shared – a cohousing project.

  2. My husband likes the idea of saving money, owning our own home, and supporting me with my passions, but he doesn’t love tiny houses. We saw tiny house giant journey when they came to our town so he’s been in a tiny house before and has never been outright against it, But he’s not in love with it either. So we’ll be building a big tiny house on wheels for us and our girls, and a small one for renting out-showing-home office, and eventually a bigger home on foundation. Luckily he’s really a big family kind of guy so having his family around him all the time is something he really prefers:)

  3. Thanks, Macy, for sharing that with us. It’s a lesson hard learned, and it has to involve both. How smart you were to get help seeing it, when it really mattered. Commitment, at the right time, is key. I still believe timing is everything. One thing is missing at the critical moment, and it all falls apart. Not facing facts is usually the killer.

    Best wishes for continued wisdom. I’m sure you’re growing into it, just as the kids grow. lol I’m so envious of you, in the very best way. I’d love to be young and have small ones again. Hugs.

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