’10 Reasons Why I Shouldn’t Have Babies’

This is a hilarious post I just remembered writing while driving in my filthy car this morning… I wrote this almost three years ago at the request of a good friend.  It makes me laugh, sadly, it’s still mostly true, only that’s ok, I will get better at those things that I need to! :)

In response/request to Mari…
1.  I was 20 before I even had a responsibility as big as a purse, I still leave my purse in nearly every store, cubby or refrigerator… let alone the things that should be IN the purse, there are sometimes no way of knowing where my keys are… imagine those skills with an infant…

2.  I am selfish with my time, there are points I cannot stand being around people, any people, and I run and hide where ever I can to get away… pretty sure you can’t do that with a kid…

3.  Kids cry.  I don’t like crying.

4.  I like to poop by myself… and also, the only butt I tolerate wiping is my own.

5.  I make babies cry, see #3. 

6.  My car is typically too dirty to fit any type of a child safety device in.  Its a fend for yourself environment.

7.   I am fidgety, and bounce shake and move constantly, I am pretty sure shaking a baby constantly is bad, or so I’ve heard.

8.  My nutrition for myself consists primarily of ramen noodles, burritos and occasionally some Mac and Cheese, while I am sure most kids would love these options I am pretty sure a growing body needs more than that to stay alive.

9.  I have a very short attention span… not even long enough to sit through a whole movie…

10.   I wouldn’t know how to occupy a child without candy…

The solution to all of these woes… adopting a 12 year old.  They can already wipe themselves, sit upright all by themselves, have their own activities, can order the take out as needed AND can mow the lawn for me!  Sold! :)

Macy

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17 thoughts on “’10 Reasons Why I Shouldn’t Have Babies’

  1. Macie,

    Ah set of new eyes seeing the world for the first time is grand. Helps you remember when things were new and fresh and the world was filled with possibilities. This baby will teach you a thing or two. Be open to it. The kid needs you.

  2. The first baby I ever held was my daughter (and I asked someone else to show me how to change her the first time- that’s how clueless I was.) I’d never been a baby person. Oh and I am also selfish with my time. But she’s the coolest damn person I know (and she’s only 3!!) and I am so much of a better person for having her. Of course I’m going to be fair and say that I will not being having another because I still have tons of freedom with one! :)

  3. The first cry will set you in motion, it all falls in place, you will be a great mommy. Remember, we all did it and with out a manual, imagine that! The love gene will give you a kick start and you will be on a roll, you can do it kid. Just relax, it will be fine;)

  4. I’m 62, always thought I’d have a kid, never did. Oh, well. It’s not a great tragedy. Remembering how confused and uptight I was in my twenties and thirties, I thank God every day I never had the opportunity to screw up some poor kid’s life.

  5. See, most of the things you say lead into solving the motherhood equation: You don’t like crying, so you’ll do what it takes to make it stop, even wiping that little butt. Your car, well, buy an expensive one and the guilt of leaving it messy will motivate you to keep it clean. Kids like being gently shaken and bounced, just don’t do it to MAKE them stop crying, more like ENCOURAGING them to stop crying. And all this from a guy who gave up wanting kids about 15 years ago, and would have had to locate a womb to make it. lol. Sadly, my boyfriend is lacking one of those. Wait, who am I kidding, I love nieces and nephews. They can be given back when they scream or are soiled. But you’re gonna be great, I have no doubt.

    1. Always with the positive outlook! :) Having the expensive car hasn’t really changed the filthiness unfortunately but then I won’t be as heartbroken to have to clean up puke I guess… :)
      Haha, about the womb, ‘womb-for-rent’ is few and far between :). Thank you so much for your kindness and encouragement!

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